Meet Me at the Bar
by iNf3ctioNZ
Summary: Garrus Vakarian has a burning fear; losing the one thing he has left in the galaxy. So when Shepard leaves him behind to finish her mission, Garrus is determined not to let her go. Begins from the end run to the Crucible, continuation of the cliffhanger in the Destroy ending. Garrus/Shepard, oneshot, EC spoilers.


Meet Me At the Bar

Charlene Soraia: Wherever You Will Go

Garrus stood staring at the beam lighting up London underneath the dark cloud of destruction for only a few seconds, but time had seemed to stretch and slow itself as he looked over the vast stretch of no man's land, the synthetic screeches of Reapers and their troops dulled out, the orders barked by Alliance soldiers and the sound of Makos almost inaudible to him.

He wants to be here. He has to be here. For four years, his life has been inching towards this moment. One last charge to stop the Reapers. The existence of an entire cycle hanging in the balance.

He knows barely any of the assembled soldiers will make it. He isn't sure if James, standing next to him, will make it. He doesn't know if he'll make it himself, and the thought doesn't scare him. Garrus has been prepared for death ever since losing his squad on Omega, and going on the suicide mission to stop the Collectors. Everything after that has just been one more bullet he's dodged. His own mortality isn't what makes his blood run cold as he looks at the run in front of them, and the woman who would lead the charge.

What scares him more than anything was that this woman, this leader, this hero and his lover, won't make it if he does. He's been hanging onto her after she came back from the dead, the anchor that had kept him sane, gave him purpose, gave him something to love and live for.

Shepard has already tried telling him he has everything to live for back at the Alliance checkpoint, even if she can't be with him. She's told him he'll never be alone, and he tried accepted it. Held her hand before she left to rally the troops and tried to keep the feeling of her skin along his talons in his mind, convince himself Shepard was right. It hasn't worked. No Shepard without Vakarian went both ways.

Without her, he's alone.

"You ready, Archangel?" James says next to him, slapping him on the arm and snapping him out of his stupor, as the sounds of the battle raging around and above them flooded back. He can't think of her dying. What he's about to do is bigger than any of them.

"I told you not to call me that," he replies, trying to keep his voice calm as he looks at Shepard, promising himself he'll stick with her. If he can keep himself close to her, she'll be safe.

"And I told you, it's got a good ring to it," Vega grins. "Hey, it's too bad Shepard brought you on this one. Would've finally won that bragging match if you weren't here for this."

"Keep dreaming," Garrus says. He hopes James will make it. The human had actually been a good friend, even if he had an odd way of going about it, and Garrus can hear the fearful tone in the human's tone even as he jokes. James doesn't want to die. He isn't ready. Hopefully it won't come to that. "I've got a whole story about killing three krogan with a fruit knife I haven't brought out yet."

"Looking forward to it," Vega chuckles, just as Shepard turns to look at them all. Garrus sees her face, her shoulder length brown hair, deep blue eyes that match his clan-paint, her small nose, thin cheekbones, those lips that had been the subject of his fascination for so long, that look of confidence she had that still manages to send chills through his body after all this time, and he feels an almost overpowering urge to just hold her one last time, feel her fragile form and warmth before they descended into the hell stretching out before them.

"Now's our chance!" she shouts, with no hesitation in her voice. No fear at all. "Everybody, move!"

Everything happens too fast for Garrus to really register. There's a huge roar from the assembled troopers, and then they're running, Harbinger's attention suddenly on them as he strains to keep Shepard in his line of vision. Twice his heart almost stops as Shepard narrowly staggers around a laser shot, the heat of it searing his face as he pushes on after her. Two Alliance troopers running on his left hand side are reduced to ash before they have a chance to even register what happened to them, and the cloud of dirt and smoke the beam kicked up makes Garrus flinch instinctively, coughing and blinking furiously as he keeps sprinting, searching for Shepard.

He sees her, almost ten metres ahead, and puts in an extra burst of speed, their target growing closer and closer as he rushes to protect her -

"Garrus!" he hears James shout, just as a laser smashes into a Mako moving alongside Shepard, causing it to flip. He sees Shepard slide, the massive tank crashing onto its nose where she'd been running only seconds before...and looming over himself and James. The two exchange a look, then hurl themselves to opposite sides, just as the Mako falls to the earth.

Garrus screams out in pain as it explodes again, his roll not taking him away from the blast radius as fire erupts from the vehicle and seems to engulf him. He rolls in pain, the ground cutting him, and his blood seems to boil inside his own body as the explosion rushes over.

Suddenly it passes, the wave of flame rolling over him and leaving him gasping in shock, armour and exposed plates burned and scratched open as he stares at the tank wreckage, too weak to stand, thoughts on one thing. He has to catch up to Shepard, because now there was no-one to protect her, no-one between her and Harbinger...

Then he sees her, jumping back over the ruined Mako and towards him, fear written all over her features as she slides down next to him and lets him sling his arm over her shoulder. "Are you okay?" she askes frantically, almost dragging him behind the wrecked Mako as Vega manages to limp over to them, taking cover himself.

"I've taken missiles, Shepard, I can manage an indirect explosion," he gasps, trying to joke even as his voice betrays his agony. Garrus is ready to keep moving, though. Shepard is going to keep moving for the beam, and he needs to protect her -

"Joker, we need extraction, now!" Shepard barks into her radio, as Garrus' eyes widen in shock. Maybe someone made it to the beam already, and that's why Shepard has come back to them? To make sure they all escape together?

Garrus doesn't listen to Shepard's conversation with Joker as he heaves in breath and tries to regain his strength for the final run. More and more soldiers pour past him, screams and Reaper noises around him suggesting none are successful. He huddles closer to Shepard.

Then the familiar roar of the Normandy's engines fills the battlefield, and he looks up to the ship swooping down into the midst of no-man's land. Shepard heaves him up before he could get there himself, and the two of them half-run, half-stumble as the docking bay door lowers and Shepard, Vega and himself run up it. They're almost all in, so tantalisingly close, when he feels Shepard's hand slide out of his. He'd turns instantly to see her body facing the battlefield, just as she looks back at him, her eyes betraying her regret sadness.

"You gotta get outta here," Shepard says, stepping back towards the beam and meeting Garrus' eyes.

"And you gotta be kidding me," he replies firmly, staring at her, willing her to just get back on board and come with them. Or let him go with her.

"Don't argue, Garrus," Shepard says sadly, eye contact briefly breaking as she speaks. He feels James beginning to pull him back, but he fights it as hard as he can, trying to shake free of his grip and stumble forward.

"We're in this till the end." It's supposed to be a statement, but comes out like a plea as he looks at Shepard, who's staring down at the floor. "Shepard, please."

Her head snaps up at that, moisture in her eyes as she walks up the ramp towards him and places her hand on his face, voice cracking with tears as she speaks. "No matter what happens here…I love you. I always will."

Garrus doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know what to do. He holds onto her hand against his mandible, gently pressing his forehead against hers, breathing in her smell even amongst all the burning and the dirt and the scent of dried blood. "Shepard, I…" He struggles for something more to say, something to make her stay. And comes up empty. Shepard has to go and finish this. They both know it, and he can't stop her.

"I love you too," he whispers. A small sob goes through Shepard's body, but ever so slowly, she prises her hand out of his, staring at him one last time before looking at the beam, turning back and then shouting.

"Go!"

He can't stop her. All he can do was stand with one arm and hand outstretched as if he's still holding her, James' tugs and pleas for him to stand clear of the bay doors fall on deaf ears, though he lets himself be dragged. She's going to die. He knows it, and Shepard knows it. His mate, his love, has gone running to her death and he wasn't able to stop or protect her.

The sight of Harbinger's beam obliterating the spot where she was standing just before the doors closed was what broke Garrus, his knees and legs giving way as he falls to the ground, arm still stretched out to Shepard, refusing to let go as the Normandy leaves the battlefield. Abandons her.

"We have to go back," he gasps, even as James tries to help him up.

"We can't, Garrus," the human says firmly, even through the tears that were obviously beginning to form. He knew it as well as Garrus. "We have to regroup with the Alliance and attack the beam again. It's what Shepard wanted."

"No, we can distract Harbinger," Garrus snaps. James doesn't know what Shepard wanted. She wanted a future, something beyond the Reapers, not to just die and achieve nothing with it. "She just needs our help, if we ram into Harbinger -"

"There's nothing to help!" James shouts, sounding broken too, and Garrus doesn't need to see his face to imagine the tears running down them. "No-one could have survived that!"

Garrus' arm finally falls, as does his head, staring down at the floor and barely able to breathe as the truth starts to slip past the denial. After everything, he's lost her. One bullet had finally been too big. His one biggest fear realised; living without the one thing that had held him together.

"- made it to the Citadel. I repeat, someone has made it to the Citadel. Buy them all the time you can!"

It was Hackett's voice over the intercom, filling the docking bay and suddenly lifting Garrus up again. Joker must have patched it through, knowing he was down here. Knowing what it meant.

Shepard had made it.

"Holy shit..." James mutters, as Garrus pushes himself up off the ground to his feet, practically charging towards the elevator now his hope has been reignited. He has no idea what he can do from the Normandy to protect her, just that he has to do _something_as the elevator ascends up to the CIC, and he's almost clawing at the door to open it faster when he finally reaches his destination and marches towards the cockpit.

He doesn't make it far. He sees EDI and Joker at their seats, frantically adjusting and using the controls as the Citadel and Crucible looms in front of them, but two large soldiers stop him before he can even make it to the airlock, Specialist Traynor standing behind them. "Joker and EDI need to focus now, Garrus," Traynor explains calmly, as Garrus realises Joker must have expected him to come after patching through Hackett's message, and left the guards as a precaution. "You just need to let them do their jobs. They'll get Shepard back."

Garrus growls in frustration, torn between pushing through the guards and Traynor, or following her request, but he finally settles on the latter. There's nothing he can really do, and the helplessness leaves a chill in his blood.

So he waits. Sits by the galaxy map with Traynor as the battle continues around the Normandy, and Garrus can't help but notice the Specialist looks almost as bad as he does. Her shoulders slumped, lower lip trembling in that weird thing humans did when they were sad, hands and fingers clenching and unclenching. Nervously, still unsure of the human custom, Garrus carefully puts an arm around her shoulders. Traynor gives him a small smile in return.

They sit for half an hour, neither speaking a word as the crew members rush around, the ship shaking as it continues curling and diving around the Citadel, with Garrus staring at the floor and asking every spirit he could call on to deliver Shepard back safely. Joker is the best pilot in the galaxy, but Garrus needs something more than that.

Then suddenly the intercom flares up again, Admiral Hackett's voice filling the CIC. "All fleets, the Crucible is armed. Disengage and head to the rendezvous point."

Garrus hears it as the order to abandon Shepard again. So he springs to his feet, before Traynor or any of the guards can stop him, slamming his claws down on Joker's seat once he arrives in the cockpit. The pilot doesn't turn to look at him, still adjusting the controls, keeping the Normandy near the Citadel as Hackett repeats the command. Liara is standing next to him, doubt and fear written all over her face, even as she reaches down and gently touches Joker on the shoulder.

"Jeff…" she says quietly, unable to meet Garrus' eyes as he stares out at the Citadel from the cockpit window, at the explosion emanating from the centre of it, engulfing the lower part of the Crucible, and he knows that Shepard was in there. He also knows that Joker can never get them in there. And in that moment, the small spark of hope that had lit on the announcement Shepard had made it to the Citadel dies. She'd sacrificed herself for all of them. "We need to go."

Joker doesn't stop his frantic movements for a few seconds, then ever so slowly, his hands fall to his sides, his head lowering. "Damn it," he mutters, then swipes across the Normandy controls, banking them away from the Citadel and out towards the Sol relay.

No-one was really sure what happened after that. Garrus saw the growing red pulse coming from the Crucible, saw it engulf the Reapers floating around the Citadel in red bolts and make them go limp, lifeless, reduced merely to objects floating in space. Then they were through the relay, travelling faster than Garrus thought the Normandy ever could, the red pulse encroaching upon them however quickly Joker pushes the ship.

Then the Normandy is shaking, diving down and burning through atmosphere, everyone grabbing hold of whatever they can to stay upright. Garrus barely has time to register a jungle planet, rich foliage, green everywhere…then the Normandy smashes into the ground, sliding across a clearing Joker somehow manages to guide them into, and eventually grinds to a halt after half a minute.

"Systems are online, but damaged," Joker finally reports. "EDI, can you run a full diagnostic?" The three of them, Joker, Liara and Garrus, look to EDI in the co-pilot's chair. She's sat there, neutral expression on her face, but completely still. No signs of power. "EDI?" Joker is out of his chair immediately, limping the few steps necessary as he runs a hand across her synthetic head. "EDI, come on, I know you're in there, please…"

Garrus just turns away, unable to deal with Joker's grief as well as his own, heading for the airlock and opening it before anyone can stop him. He walks into the decontamination chamber, letting the door to the ship close behind him before he opens the one leading outside. He has no idea if the atmosphere is safe to breathe, but he doesn't much care either.

He hops out the Normandy onto solid, grassy ground, breathing in deeply as his lungs accept the air and he stares around. A beautiful mountain range stretches in front of him, warm sun beating down amongst the peaceful rustle of trees and noise of wild birds taking to the air at the sudden intrusion of the Normandy and its crew. Exactly the kind of place Shepard had talked about taking a holiday to once the Reapers were defeated.

Garrus knows he should be feeling some small triumph. He's helped save the galaxy, after all. All the races have been brought together, and now they no longer have to fear extermination by the Reapers. The future was theirs to take. Garrus, though, can't help the feeling history had repeated itself for him yet again. He'd told Shepard back when they were working for Cerberus that he'd wanted something to go right, just once. It hadn't. They'd won, but he's lost his Shepard, the one thing he holds dear.

He barely feels the moisture in his eyes as he sits down on the ground, staring out over the vista again before resting his head in his hands, shoulders shaking as he silently grieves.

###########

**Two days later…**

The Normandy is operational again. Garrus doesn't pretend to understand how the engineers had managed after how they'd crashed, and without EDI to assist them, but Tali, Ken and Gabby had managed to get everything up and running once again, including communications. Word from Alliance command was initial shock that the Normandy had made it, then an explanation that the mass relays had been critically damaged, but most were already repaired, with the rest well on their way to being fixed. Almost the entire engineering team who'd worked on the Crucible were still alive, and that was a _lot _of engineers. The rachni in particular were proving invaluable, and Hackett suggested that the Normandy was to rendezvous with the rest of the Alliance fleet in the Serpent Nebula.

There were things to take care of first, though. Garrus spent the first few hours after the crash alone outside, trying and failing to get over losing Shepard, but managing to straighten himself out enough to help with the repair effort. Most of the crew hadn't wanted to broach the subject with him, asides from expressions of remorse at his loss, but talking to Liara, Tali, James and the others about losing Shepard helped immensely. He still can't accept her being dead, but he's at least grateful for the fact he still has people who cared about him.

Joker has gone through much the same process, but he isn't himself anymore after EDI died. That much was obvious. He's lost all of his usual humour, and although he says he's fit to pilot, Garrus and everyone else knows that the combined loss of Shepard and EDI was almost overwhelming Joker. The only thing keeping him going was the need to get the Normandy and the crew off the world they'd crash-landed on; Zorya, in the Ismar Frontier, which meant it was only a few relay jumps back to the Serpent Nebula.

The memorial service came first, though. Joker barely held back tears when he stuck EDI's name tag to the wall, everyone's heads bowed in a mark of respect for the AI. Then it came to Garrus' turn. He's been handed Shepard's tag, a long strip with "Commander Lara Shepard" written on it, and slowly walks up to the memorial wall.

He hears the sniffs and muffled sobs of the crew and squadmembers behind him as he looks at the board, then down at her name again, mandibles flexing as he runs a talon over it, trying to imagine the letters of her name feeling like her skin, like she was with him again, as he closed his eyes and rattles out a breath. _She's gone,_ he thinks. _Stick her name up and move on._

But he can't. Can't just believe Shepard had died like that. He'd seen the explosions around the Citadel and the red pulse…but asides from synthetics, nothing had died. He knows Shepard was part synthetic, but the way he saw it, she was more organic than synthetic. Which means she has a chance in that respect. Plus, he's seen Shepard survive gunshots, stab wounds, Banshees, krogan, everything the galaxy had thrown at them. She could have made it through an explosion.

"Garrus…" Liara says softly, walking up behind him and placing a hand on his arm. "You need to put it up."

"No," he says quietly, shaking his head as he looks down at Shepard's name again, then let the nametag hang by his side. "Not until we go back to the Citadel. I need to know for sure."

Garrus turns to face the squad, not surprised at what he sees. Sad, sympathetic looks. No-one really believing what he believes, finding it tragic that he's hanging onto something that can't have happened, but no-one opposes it.

"We can go," Joker says, giving Garrus a small nod. Shepard hadn't had the same relationship with Joker, but he was just as close to her as Garrus had been, in his own way. One by one, the rest of the squad and crew voice their approval. The Citadel would still be in the Sol system, and that wouldn't take long to get to.

Giving Garrus some closure would be worth the trip, after all.

#########

With the Normandy repaired, and the priority Spectre status the ship still held, the huge amount of traffic around each of the newly repaired relays is easily avoided by the Normandy as they move between systems towards Sol, each jump getting them one step closer. Garrus spends the entire journey pacing up and down and his room, trying to rationalise his theory Shepard could be alive, disproving it, finding a counter-argument, until the whole process exhausts him and he falls back to his bed, staring up at the roof. One way or another, he tells himself he's going to find her.

It takes almost ten hours to get to the Citadel, during which Garrus manages a restless sleep, filled with dreams of Reapers and Shepard and the explosion that had engulfed the Citadel, playing over and over in his mind until he wakes up, his plates itching from discomfort. Joker sent a message down to him that they'd arrived, and the Normandy's clearance gave them access to the blast site at the base of the Citadel tower. Garrus wastes no time suiting up with James, Liara, Tali, Kaidan and everyone else.

There are already search parties in the area, picking through and lifting the rubble to try and find any survivors, so the Normandy team hurl themselves into the task. The search has already been on for a day, and they work for hours on end, lifting rubble, consulting thermal scans, picking through the wreckage for any signs of life, and finding nothing.

They've been on the ground for twelve hours straight, and finally, everyone has retired to recover and get something to eat and drink. Everyone except Garrus. He's insisted on staying, determined to find _something, _and no-one has the heart to try and move him. He throws another piece of rubble away from around the base of the tower, panting in breaths as his whole body aches, but ignoring it as his latest removal uncovers nothing. He sits back on his knees, staring at the ground as the feelings that had overcome him when they'd landed on Zorya begin to flare up again. He's on a fool's errand. There's nothing for him to find on the Citadel except reminders of the life he used to have. The one that had Shepard in it.

He sighs, running a hand over his fringe. She's gone. He needs to go back to the Normandy, put her name on the memorial and try piecing together what he has left. He rests his claws on the ground, scraping them across rubble, until one talon catches upon a small chain on the ground. Growling in frustration, Garrus removes it, staring down at the little chain. One that looks awfully familiar. Like the kind seen on dog tags…

His heart lurches at the realisation, and suddenly he's digging again, fatigue and pain instantly forgotten as he heaves off a huge slab of rubble that the chain was peeking out from, feelings of euphoria, relief and pure joy rushing over him as he sees the N7 tag, leading down to the familiar body of his love. "Shepard!" he shouts, immediately lowering himself next to her and cradling her limp head.

She's cold. Deathly cold. Covered in cuts, gashes and bruises that show through the fabric of her clothing, beautiful eyes hidden beneath her eyelids, brown hair matted and wild as Garrus holds her body, gently placing his forehead against it. He's found her. In life or death, at least now he knows for sure. The woman he loves did her duty.

Then he feels a small breath against his mandible, and he pulls back, looking down at Shepard's face to see her eyes flicker open, staring up at him. She's still cold and fragile, oh so fragile, but he can barely believe what he's seeing. Somehow…she's alive. Her shallow breaths rattle through her body, eyes only half open as her cracked lips part, and breath out a word.

"Garrus…?"

"I'm here, Shepard," he says immediately, holding her close but gently to try and get some warmth back into her body, all too conscious of the fact she's hanging between life and death by a thread. Carefully, he reaches down for the radio he's carrying, hailing the search camp and asking for medical help before he puts his full attention back on Shepard again, just keeping her conscious and alive so help can arrive. "It's okay."

"Did we…did we make it to the bar?" she croaks.

Garrus chuckles, a sound filled with relief, tears and happiness as he holds onto the woman he thought he'd lost. "Yeah, Shepard, we did," he says soothingly, holding onto her. "They saved us the best seats."

"Good…" she sighs, and Garrus sees her eyes begin to close, making his heart lurch. He can't let that happen, not when he's so close.

"You've got to stay awake, Shepard," he begs, hint of desperation in his voice as he looks down at her, gently scratching her back with a talon. "I ordered you your favourite, but you can't drink it if you're sleeping."

"I just want to go and rest with you, Garrus…" Shepard says, as she weakly lifts a hand and rests it on the side of his face, just like she did before she left him on the Normandy. He wants to tell her to put it down, to save her energy, but he can't. "Is…is Thane here? Legion? Mordin?"

"They're all here, Shepard." It's incredibly hard for turians to cry, but Garrus is barely holding back sobs, feeling Shepard's breathing get shallower and shallower. "Legion's dancing. You've just got to stay awake, and they'll all come over and see you, alright?"

"Tell them I'm sorry," Shepard pants, and her eyes completely close again as Garrus holds onto her tight, as if his grip will keep her alive, desperately searching for anything to keep her breathing. "I couldn't help them. I wanted to, but I couldn't."

"It's alright, Shepard, they understand," he says, and now he's completely broken down, sobs coming through as she goes limp again. "Shepard, please, don't." Nothing. "I need you." She doesn't respond, and he presses his head against her forehead, stroking her hair and kissing her skin, trying to get any kind of reaction as he sobs again and lifts his head up, yelling for help.

It takes the medical team another two minutes to get through the rubble and pry Shepard out of Garrus' desperate hands, leaving the turian sat wailing as they carry her away, alone once again as he stares down at the N7 dogtag left behind in the rubble.

#############

Garrus stands in the briefing room by himself. No-one's spoken to him since he came back onto the Normandy and sat in there by himself. He was so close. Felt her breath, heard her voice. Then they took her away, and he was left by himself, to consider what came next.

He could still feel her coldness in his talons, the deathly weakness of her breaths, the cuts and bruises that had left her trapped and scarred beneath the rubble, slowly dying and waiting for something, anything to save her. He'd found her, but he couldn't do anything more. The feeling of helplessness he'd felt when she'd made it to the Citadel had returned, until it eclipsed all other emotions, leaving him wringing his talons in the briefing room.

The door suddenly slid open, making him look up. The medical team had told him they managed to revive Shepard after minutes of it looking like she was dead, that the surgery they gave her would let her recover, but that any unknown complications could have ended everything with her fragile state. That was almost a week ago. Today he's sat in the briefing room, alone, because what he feared he would never see again is smiling up at him, in a wheelchair with tears rolling down her face, but still smiling as he gets to his feet and looks down at Shepard, his mandibles flared in joy.

"No-one would give me a mirror," she says, trying to laugh as her voice cracks with tears. "How bad is it?"

Garrus steps forward, wrapping Shepard in a careful hug, and swears that he'll never let her go ever again.

**A/N: That was fluffy as all hell, I know. But after everything in the Extended Cut with my Shepard leaving Garrus, then him standing at the end with her name plaque, and her alive…basically I needed to write this so I can confirm to myself that he found her and they're a happy couple again. It sounds stupid, but whatever. That's how this happened.**

**I hope you enjoyed it, anyway. Thanks to quantumparadigm and TheRev28 for helping inspire this, and dealing with my endless worrying and proofread demands. You guys are great.**


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